Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
