I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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