the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
