come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
please come you make the beer taste better
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
