probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The ass gains better be worth it
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