I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
