She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
