Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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