I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
