end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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