I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
