He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
