...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
