Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
