just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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