I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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