I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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