Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
