I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
