If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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