So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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