So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
