a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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