if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
