After last night, I could never be a politician.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
