yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
