I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ugly people sure do ruin things
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
