Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
