Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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