But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
