I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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