His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
