omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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