Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
