I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
