So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
