I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
