Betty ford says i'm here all night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
