Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
