Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
