and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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