everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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