I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
