whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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