You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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