i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
