Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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