i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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