You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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