He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
