So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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