im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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