He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
