im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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