They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
