i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
