I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
