she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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