We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
