If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
