Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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