Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
