do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
