I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
