What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
