I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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