I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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