On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
