i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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