strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
