R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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