Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
