That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
