maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
