He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i will never coherently bang her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
