Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
