You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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